How Can I Not Love You
by trinchardin
Summary: This is an Obi-Ami pairing...and contains a LOT of angst. You've been warned. Also, this is my first SW fic, so be kind.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Star Wars idea or any of the characters in it. I also don't own the song 'How Can I Not Love You'. It's sang by Joy Enriquez. If this songfic is similar to any other fic, it isn't intentional so don't kill me. I am just a penniless student.  
  
How Can I Not Love You  
  
He straightened his formal attire and flicked off a nonexistent speck of dust. The others in their rich attire of soft silks and glittering gems did not notice the slight frown that crossed his face. They were too intent on watching the young couple that slowly walked down the staircase.   
  
Unable to resist, he allowed himself a brief glimpse of the young woman that descended to join them on his Padawan's arm. The Queen of Naboo. Young... Beautiful... Intelligent... Powerful... And beyond his reach. Engaged to a younger and perhaps worthier man. She would never be his.  
  
cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together  
cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot have each other  
  
He noticed her forced royal smile and her searching eyes. Searching for him. Strengthening his resolve, he forced himself to look away. If he looked into those deep brown eyes of hers, he knew that he'd be immediately lost in them. Unable to look away.  
  
Seeing the love she had for him would weaken him. It would let him dream of what simply could not be. A dream that's all it was. And it would give her hope. A hope that there was still a chance for them. There was no chance, of course. There never had been. There had only been a dream.  
  
must be strong and we must let go  
cannot say what our hearts must know  
  
She forced herself to smile and appear relaxed for her people's sake as well as Anakin's. She lived for them. She lived to serve and bear children. Children who would change the universe and be as great as their father. She should be happy. She had everything a woman could desire. Or did she?   
  
All she wanted was one man. The man with whom she could be, not a Queen or a servant to duty, but a woman. The man who'd touched her heart. The man who'd refused to say the words she longed to hear. The man who could not be hers.  
  
Finally, her eyes found him amidst the crowd. A man dressed in simple yet formal attire, standing out among the richly dressed crowd. Her smile faltered for a second when she saw him look away. Her eyes glittered brightly with unshed tears.  
  
how can i not love you  
what do i tell my heart  
when do i not want you  
here in my arms  
  
Having reached the marble ballroom floor, she continued with her forced smile as she greeted her guests with Anakin at her side. She didn't know what she was saying anymore. It was automatic more than anything. And still she kept on smiling.  
  
Then, she bit her lip as she saw who was next in line. It was him. He shook hands with Anakin, a small smile on his lips. He said something that she couldn't quite catch. She was too busy with smiling and saying something flattering to a stiff-necked diplomat from a planet she'd never even heard of.  
  
Before she knew it, he was before her. She caught his smile flicker for a moment. He refused to look her in the eye as he bent low to bow and kiss her hand in the formal manner. But, before he left, he looked back and she saw his eyes. Grief-stricken blue eyes that met her own for a second. Then, he disappeared in the crowd.  
  
how does one waltz away  
from all of the memories  
how do i not miss you  
when you're gone  
  
He looked into her eyes for one last time. This time there was no hiding what he felt. This time she knew. It was too late anyway. She belonged to another man already. Then, he turned his back on her and left. Left the room. Left the palace. Left the grounds. Left her.   
  
He went where his feet took him. When he'd stopped, he found himself in a small park by the riverbank. He took a seat by the rushing waters on a stone bench. The deep blue water sparkled under the luminous moonlight that gave the place an almost ethereal glow. Sitting there alone, he refused to let himself even dream of things that could never be.  
  
cannot dream, cannot share, sweet and tender moments  
cannot feel, how we feel, must pretend it's over  
  
Moments later, he stood up with a soft sigh on his lips. He looked around him and shook his head, still thinking of her. He started the long walk back to the palace and his room in the guest wing. Lost in his thoughts, he was at his door before he knew it. He took a deep breath of the crisp, clean air and turned to enter his room.   
  
Then, he caught a glimpse of crimson on the grounds below. He stepped closer to the railing of the hallway overlooking the grounds. It was her. Dressed in crimson silk with a golden headdress on her head and Anakin by her side. He watched them walk together in silence, hand in hand. At that same moment, she looked up and their eyes met. He smiled sadly at her then turned away and entered his room. The door swished close behind him, separating them. Once in the solitude of his room, he allowed the tears to fall.  
  
must be brave and we must go on  
must not say what we've known all alone  



End file.
